The blaming of single mothers for the problems facing black teenage boys by a child Psychiatrist, and the single mums support group defending women choosing to raise children solo is truly disappointing.
As the Managing Director of Black Men and Fatherhood, I feel rather saddened with these statements. It seems there is a constant shifting of blame, rather than not looking at the root of the problem and trying to find solutions that are in the best interest of the children. I do not agree that it is fair to put all blame on the single mothers, or all blame on the fathers. There are a number of factors involved.
It is important to take a look at the government, they are hugely responsible for the breakdown of the family unit. The government does not support a family unit instead they are the ones dangling the carrot of free nappies, free milk tokens, welfare benefits and housing, constantly enticing and making the choice of raising a child alone a far better option.
Kim Sparrow may talk about the single mother keeping herself inancially independent from fathers, Single Mother’s Self-Defence focuses on supporting single mothers on benefits is this really keeping yourself financially independent, you are dependingon the government to support you. The government is replacing the responsibility of the father, advocating to women that a man is not needed. The young women under the name of Leah Park, also made comment to the unstableness of the father, again promoting not needing a father, yet we see again she is unemployed and therefore shifting her dependency onto the government. A government that promotes a number of immoral causes.
No person should have the right to make a choice about raising a child alone, and this is what is forgotten. It is in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with both the mother and the father. The destruction of the family unit has a great backlash on the children. The problems with our children does not just fall on the boys, we are having an equal amount of problems with the girls. Teenage pregnancy numbers are higher than ever before. Girls and boys are being treated at younger ages for Sexually Transmitted Diseases. There are many teenage girls on the waiting list for government funded property as the government has promised single females with a child that they would receive a 2 bedroom property if they are single and man less.
Men or should we say boys are sleeping with women all over the place without concern like it’s a tournament. In the local barbers you can hear these young lads talking about how many girls they have slept with in a week. Girls equally as shameful on the bus when heading to work you can hear conversations from young girls of the age of 15 talking about how they spent the night at some mans house and they don’t mind having there baby because this guy they slept with has hazel eyes and doesn’t have ‘nigga’ hair.
Children are not growing up with the idea of what a family unit is about. How men and women should treat each other, have respect for each other. A girl’s first true relationship is with her father. Learning her boundaries because of how her father treats her.
Boys need there father so much its unreal, a father shows his love in different ways to a women, but both ways are equally needed. A child will learn respect from both parents, if both parents are present and working together positively for the sake of the child. If a boy child has never had a father in his life, how can he pass on to his children the knowledge of being a father? How can they act like a man if they have never seen a man? They are learning manhood from Sky and Cable watching Snoop Dog, Jayz, 50 Cent and they really believe this is the way of life.
Discipline from male’s perspective is powerful. The child will learn respect for both parents if both parents are present and working together for the sake of the child. Unfortunately, a lot of Black men and women have never seen a man and a woman working together in a home so they are not able to comprehend or understand what is to be a family. Why are there a great number of single parents? Relationships breaking down?
Probably because a great number people who have children are not taking the time to know each other. To find out each others common goals, dreams and aspirations, whether or not you are compatible and want to head in a similar direction spiritually and morally. Men and women are too quick to jump into bed with each other not taking the time to know each other. Women complain about these dead beat dads, and unfortunately there are a great number of men out there who are not doing the right thing, but would it not be more respectful for yourself and beneficial to your future child to take the time, to find out what this man or woman is about before having children, then realising after the fact and complaining that he is no good.
Being with these men who are taking up to much emotional time…why did you go with them in the first place if they are so useless. Some women are choosing to get involved with these men. This should not be an excuse but a lot of black men who are uncaring and irresponsible, are so because they are usually carrying baggage from previous relationships, from their own family upbringing, no family values or morals at home, have had no positive role models in their life, and society constantly treating them as the under dog. They run from responsibility for fear of being a failure. They find being in a relationship too challenging, to hard to cope with, and unable to express there feelings because if they open up they are frightened of being ripped apart.
However, to contrast there are plenty of men who are committed to the work of raising their child. I have contact with them everyday, however the system is against them and they too get caught up in the wrong relationships. Instead of the constant emphasis on these black men in the criminal Justice system, how about more evidence of the positive black fathers and role models in the community, the men that are not in criminal justice system, the lawyers, doctors, teachers, mentors, professional athletes, business men, social workers, the black men working hard to support his family or children.
The Legal system continually aids in the destruction of families, with its ludicrous orders. A lot of these men are battling in the courts to see their children. I work with these fathers regularly. I personally over the last 2 and half years have been in and out of court fighting for the responsibility to be a great father to my son. As my son gets older, I see the hurt and pain in his eyes and through his body, when I have to say goodbye. Is that in the best interest of child? I have been subjected to false allegations, mental and physical abuse. Now 2006 I only see my son twice a month for 6 hours a time, now how can I be a responsible father with the court awarding me this type of time with my son. This time equals 144 hours in a year which works out to be 6 full days a year.
Whilst you’re battling at courts our children are growing up missing out on love because of nonsense.
Please don’t generalise all black men to be the same, there are plenty of great black men. We need to stop being selfish and thinking of ourselves. If we really love our children, we will show more respect to each other, and work together not alone to raise our children. Then in turn, our children will have more respect for themselves.